As an early teen I knew I was different. I had already lived and survived what seemed to be unsurmountable for a girl my age. My journey into this world was tragic as a premature baby and from that moment on as I was named ‘Barakah’ God had already declared me as his ‘Blessing.’
From the age of five through ten I was molested on and off; at the age of seven I became terminally ill with Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis (an inflammatory bowl disease; aka IBD) and being a severe Anemic; as a teen I was date raped and emancipated as an adult by the age of 16, stemmed from a tumultuous relationship with my mother.
A fatherless daughter naïve with no clue about life, love, and relationships my journey to adulthood was experienced and learned through trial and error. With no foundation on relationships, low self-esteem, no voice to speak for myself, no identity (other than living out the definition of what others gave me), and not a clue about love I endured emotional, mental, and financial abuse.
I was completely unhappy! With no direction, motivation, or anyone showing me how to become the woman I knew I was destined to be. I long for that moment for someone to value me, to love me, to believe in me, and not use me or take me for granted.
As I experienced life I became a mother of five beautiful blessings. However, it was not until my last birth in 2003 where things actually began to shift for me. The unthinkable happened…my ‘Ramiyah’ met an untimely death after three weeks of being born prematurely. I was devastated and immediately I found myself comatose into a deep depression. I knew I needed a breakthrough and there was more to this story than I could currently comprehend at that time. God was up to something.
Two months later I found myself at a women’s success conference. I knew I needed help from my deep escape from the world and God was the only one to assist me with this process. I lived in a dark place for a long time masking my pain and with no identity. Only to hinder my progress as the pain and hurt continued to build over the years. It was truly in the death of my child where life was given back to me. I no longer look at her untimely departure as “death” but “LIFE” given back to me and her through the awesome power, grace, mercy, and love of the almighty God!
Why? Because that could have been me meeting death and leaving four beautiful gifts without a mother. I was given another chance at life. To finally make my debut in discovering who I truly am. In that revelation I knew I had to pull my strength and get it together. That was my first step to my commitment to heal. I began my journey of healing and personal development in the midst of that conference. I was an emotional drained and flawed woman filled with so much emotional trauma, pain, anger, and disappointments. Yet, the journey to ME was in motion and I was ready for the ride.
Victim to Victorious! After attending that conference six months later I began to release the pain and emptiness buried within me. I began to smile, laugh, and restoring of my confidence was rebuilding.
It was not an easy transformation. I had to give myself permission to expose my truth to me. I had to acknowledge my pain and confront it and not allow the fear within me to block my transformation. I was ready, I was willing, I was scared, I was nervous, but I knew what I envisioned on the other side looked like to be whole, to be free and above all worthy of my healing and self-love. I was ready to forgive and love.
Today, I am extremely passionate about the power of healing and the dynamics of how it can completely transform any relationship. My self-care in my healing has made a tremendous difference in my relationships so much that I consistently implement a self evaluation to ensure there is no residue lingering that will sabotage my relationships. I invite you to experience the journey of healing in your life, love, and relationships I promise your life will never be the same.
I am Fearless-Bold-Confident-Intentonal-Geniune-Authentic-Unapologetic about my story! And I pray the same for you.
Rule: Healing unlocks the pathway to self-love and forgiveness.
Healing & Relationship Catalyst
Author of The Scales of Love